Chapter 7: Immigrant Sounds
Grumpy Jake’s was a diner just off of 83rd street near the intersection of 83rd and Simpson. It lurked between the skyscrapers and office complexes as if there were a subversive wormhole beneath it, trying to transport the city back into 1950; it seemed out of place, but no one seemed to care. The sunshine-yellow paint on the building was peeling off to reveal a dingy off-white base color. The yellow walls still managed to look dull compared to the large neon sign on the front of the diner that flashed repeatedly, informing the public that Grumpy Jake’s was indeed open for business as it was every day, twenty-four hours a day.
Keith and Maria walked the five blocks to Grumpy Jake’s for lunch every night, passing sterile-looking office complexes and decrepit old concrete apartment buildings, the walls covered in rainbow scrawls of graffiti. The Dusk District was still in the process of being renewed despite it having been over twenty years since the passing of the Freiburg Act and the beginning of such renovations. Ancient concrete and steel structures loomed over the heads of the pair, and while Maria obviously felt quite comfortable in the gloomy atmosphere Keith was, as always, feeling rather uneasy.
“Something on your mind Keithie?” Maria asked as they passed 80th street. “You seem a bit twitchy.”
“I’m just not used to being out here without an umbrella.” He said with false humor ringing in his voice. “It’s not often that we have a drizzle-free evening in these parts.”
Maria shrugged. “Don’t know what you’re being nervous about then,” she said. “I always feel better with clear skies overhead. Means I can go flying.” Maria sighed and looked over at her partner as they passed the hot-dog vendor on 81st street, where an Ogre was purchasing a small beagle with sad-looking eyes from the grinning salesman. “I don’t see why we can’t be flying to Jake’s,” She said, a petulant tone in her voice. “We’d have a hell of a lot more time to eat if we did.”
“I don’t do the flying thing Maria.” Keith said shortly. “I’ve never done the flying thing.”
Maria sighed. “Jeez Keith, you throw up one time and suddenly being forty feet up in the air is some horrible ordeal.”
“The only person it was a horrible ordeal for was the gargoyle who caught my breakfast with his head.” Keith said sourly. “He chased me all the way to the waterfront!”
“You just need to improve your aim.” Maria said, snorting. “Either that or stop eating crullers after ten.”
Keith scowled at her as the reached the metal swinging doors of the diner. The neon sign flashed bright red across their faces as the passed, contrasting sharply with the dark shadows of the poorly-lit street. The pair were never sure why it was that 83rd street constantly suffered power outages, but all the streetlamps were either dead or flickering pitifully on a regular basis.
The diner was not particularly well-lit, shafts of light filtering down from pale florescent ceiling panels through a haze of smoke. The checkerboard-tile floor squeaked under Keith’s and Maria’s boots, and the pair seated themselves at a booth with cracked green leather seats next to a grimy window looking out at the dark street. A tired-looking jukebox in the far corner was creaking out a warbled rendition of Elvis Presley’s ‘Love Me Tender’, the song echoing eerily throughout the smoke-filled room.
The diner was far from full, but there were other patrons scattered about the room that contributed to a low murmur of voices that were undercut by the crooning jukebox. Maria alternated between studying her menu and observing the other customers. Two elderly women were seated two booths away from Keith and Maria, sipping tea and chattering about their grandchildren’s trip to the astral plane. A young couple sat at the counter, sharing what looked like but was probably not a strawberry milkshake and holding hands. The girl had a pair of blue horns protruding from her forehead and the boy had leathery wings and a tail that dangled down from the stool on which he sat. There was also a noisy family of goblinoids sitting in the corner near the jukebox, the three warty, black-skinned children screeching at each other in their native tongue. Maria found herself almost smiling; in this crowd, she almost felt normal. That was the beauty of Jake’s; the non-human crowd frequented the establishment.
The blonde waitress standing behind the counter was pouring a corporeal fireling a cup of coffee and grimacing at the noise coming from the corner. Her orange and yellow striped cat ears were almost flat against her hair and her slender tail was twitching agitatedly. She pushed the lukewarm cup of coffee across the counter to the young man, whose orange skin glowed softly in the poorly-lit diner. His dark hair was standing straight on end and rippling softly as if it were a tongue of fire; a fairly accurate assumption. He picked up the coffee, touched his lips to the cup, and the ceramic white mug glowed momentarily, changing the coffee from tepid to volcanic in temperature. After putting the cup back down on the counter, the fireling took out a packet of cigarettes and lit one with the tip of his finger.
“That coffee just the way you like it sir?” the waitress asked him, smiling despite her obvious discomfort at the noise coming from the corner.
The fireling coughed abruptly as he inhaled the cigarette smoke; his cough reminded Maria of the noise a log makes in a fireplace when it pops. “Perfect,” The man said, smiling. “Cool enough to turn up the heat on it myself.”
“How could I forget?” the feline woman smiled back. “You’re in here every day.”
Leaving the fireling to his self-heating coffee, she walked over to where Keith and Maria were sitting. “Sorry about the wait guys,” she said, pulling a pencil out of her black apron. “Had to deal with Mister Aifaren.” She was covered in a very fine layer of orange and yellow striped fur, and her facial features were most definitely feline. Her body was decidedly humanoid, as were her eyes, and her strawberry-blonde hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. Maria noticed Keith eyeing her, as he did every time they came to ate at Jake’s and she was at work. She rolled her eyes.
Stop ogling the Animus, you damned furry. She said, telepathically directing the comment to her partner.
Keith almost jumped, but merely sat up a little straighter. I’m not ogling her, He said, the words forming directly in Maria’s mind. I’m just admiring her nice green sweater.
Sure you are, Maria smirked and closed her menu. Just like you admire Helen’s ‘sweater’ every time she comes into the office and delivers the reports.
The waitress was smiling at the two of them. “You want your usual Mister Scott?” she asked, holding a small notepad and a pen expectantly.
Keith coughed irritably and glared at Maria, who smiled innocently at the patient waitress beside their table. Then he nonchalantly closed his menu and folded his hands on the tabletop. “That sounds good Kristen,” he said, now decidedly not looking at the young woman’s sweater, or anything else for that matter. “Can you get me a Shoggoth’s Old Peculiar as well as the usual milkshake? And onion rings instead of French fries, if you would be so kind.”
“No problem,” Kristen said, making a note on her dog-eared notepad. “Anything different for you Maria?”
“Maria shook her head. “Nothing special here; just the P-Juice and a burger; rare.”
“I’ll get that right out for you.” Kristen said, making another note. She turned to leave, but as one of the small goblins let out a piercing shriek, she winced and leaned down to speak softly to the pair. “Any chance the two of you could do something about the screaming goblin brats? I’m here until four and I have day classes until after noon today and I can’t work with a headache.”
Maria nodded at the waitress. “No problem.” She said. “We’ll take care of it.”
Kristen looked relieved. “Thank you so much.” She said. “I’m gonna go take some aspirin now.” She rubbed her forehead and walked back over to behind the counter.
Maria turned to look at the gaggle of goblins that were still riotously disturbing the diner. “Okay, those little Underlanders are starting to make my head hurt too,” she said. “How can we get them to shut their little traps without causing a scene?”
Keith thought for a minute, sat up a little straighter once again, and Maria saw his lavender-blue eyes slowly mist over and become cloudy. After about a minute, the mist cleared and he shook his head. “Okay.” He said.
“Got some information out of them?” Maria asked, keeping her voice low.
Keith dug into his back pocket and pulled out a thin wallet-like leather item which he passed to Maria. She took it and opened the front flap, then raised her eyebrow. “You sure that’ll work?” she asked.
“That’d make me try to be inconspicuous if someone confronted me with an accusation like that.” Keith said. “It should do the trick.”
“All right,” Maria stood up and swung her axe over her shoulder. “I’ll go take care of that before the food gets here.” She said as she tucked the wallet away.
Keith sighed. “Don’t throw anyone through the window.” He muttered as she began walking across the checkerboard floor over to the booth where the goblins and their cacophonic brood were seated.
Maria stopped in front of the table and looked down at the warty little creatures, who were still babbling in their native tongue. She cleared her throat and the two slightly larger goblins looked over at her in a mildly disinterested manner.
“What do you want?” One of them asked in English. His voice was cracked and hoarse and his red eyes were narrowed at her.
Maria nonchalantly pulled the badge out of her front pocket and flipped it open. “Cade’s Bay Immigration Bureau.” She said, taking small pleasure in the way that the two older goblins’ eyes bugged out and the female immediately tried to shush her shrieking children. “I’m going to need to check your permits.”
The male goblin swallowed nervously, but he and his wife dug into the pockets of their jeans and pulled out their IDs. Maria picked them up and studied them; even though she knew next to nothing about immigration laws, she could tell they checked out. Each permit stated they were from Havyn, the capital city of the Underland United States, they had recently arrived and that it was legal for them to remain in Cade’s Bay for the next two years.
She handed the permits back to the visibly shaken goblins. “That checks out, thank you. Do you have permits for your children sir?”
Both goblins paled visibly and looked nervously around the diner, as if searching for a means of escape. The children, sensing the seriousness of the issue, were silent and staring up at her with wide eyes.
Maria attempted to smile kindly and leaned down so that her face was level with the two adult goblins. “Okay, I know its standard policy for me to be hauling you folks in for being in possession of children without permits.” She said. “But since you haven’t been in Cade’s Bay for very long, I’ll let you off with a warning and advise you to head down to the Office of Interland Affairs and get those three little munchkins processed. Next time you attract attention to yourselves,” she looked pointedly at the now very silent children. “You might attract a human investigator, and then you won’t be so lucky; they’re never as lenient as the rest of us.”
The female goblin bowed her head and began gathering up her three small children. “Thank you so much ma’am,” She said. “We appreciate your lenience so very much.”
Maria smiled. “Just be sure to take care of it as soon as you can… and don’t draw any attention to yourselves until you can make it to the office.”
“Thank you so much ma’am.” The male goblin said.
“Have a nice night all of you.” Maria nodded to the now considerably quieter family and turned on her heel. As she walked away she heard the mother reprimanding her children; she didn’t speak goblin, but recognized the general tone of disapproval and shame the female goblin had.
When she got back to the table, Kristen had returned with their lunches. Maria sat down in front of her plate and grinned up at Kristen, who looked both shocked and relieved. “I don’t know how you shut them up,” the waitress said, wiping her hair out of her eyes. “But thank the gods you did.”
Maria grinned. “Just doing our job Kristen,” she said, picking up the bottle of Abattoir Pig-Juice (The Vampire’s Number One Choice for Pig’s Blood!) and took a long drink, her eyes once more flashing red for a brief moment before reverting back to their normal green.
Kristen smiled back. “Is there anything else I can get for the two of you?” she asked. “On the house of course.”
Maria looked at her partner with raised eyebrows. Keith was drinking his glass of Shoggoth’s Old Peculiar Single Malt Whiskey and looking pensive. He put his glass down and smiled at their waitress. “How about two pieces of your blueberry pie Kristen?” he asked. “It is the best in the district.”
She made a note on her little pad. “Coming right up guys.” She winked and walked back to the counter to place the order.
Maria took a bite out of her burger, passing the badge back to Keith as she did so. “What are you doing carrying that around anyway?” she asked her partner as he alternated between sips of whiskey and milkshake.
He shrugged. “You never know when you need to fool someone into believing you can send them back to their home plane with a single phone call.”
Maria nodded. “That and the whole ‘mildly psychic’ thing you have going on.”
Keith returned the nod and ate an onion ring he had smothered in honey mustard. “Sometimes the powers of the mind can get things done more smoothly than any power of the body.”
Maria scowled at him. “Sure, until the Reaper Demon has you cornered and you’re crying like a little girl. Then all your mind can do is think to itself: ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit I’m going to fucking die’.”
Keith shrugged again. “That was only one time,” He pointed out. “And it wasn’t going to kill us, it was just asking how to get to the train station.”
“Which you didn’t figure out until I translated his request out of Necrotic and into English.” Maria said, an amused expression on her face.
Keith rolled his eyes. “My point is, you didn’t need to throw any of the goblins through a window to get them to shut up.” He said.
Maria took another bite of her still-oozing burger and laughed to herself. “No, but that’s because we’re regulars here and causing a disturbance is just rude. Plus there’s no way in hell I can afford to pay for the repairs on replacing one of these gigantic windows.”
*
< Previous Chapter Next Chapter >
